Truth Is

Truth is I think about you way to much. I think about you everyday and I wait for you to come back. I know there's no hope, and I know that you've moved on without me. But I'm stuck here, in this never ending loop of memories with you. The first time we held hands, the first movie we saw together, the first time we hugged. I remember it all. I remember when you sang me that song about how amazing I was, and I remember when we promised to write down 100 things we loved about each other. I remember staying up for hours play Castle Crashers with you and talking to you. I remember the day you left, and the words you said. They still sting my heart when I replay them. Why did you leave me? Why would you hurt me? You told me you would stay by side forever. I guess the bad thing about forever is that it comes with a chance of never.

Only Problem

If you knew how much I loved you would you ever leave me? If you ever knew how much I looked forward to seeing you would you stay by me? If you knew how much you meant to me would you never leave my memory? The future scares me, be because it brings the chance of losing you. Will we know each other when we leave this place? Will we grow together, or separate only to wonder what we each are like now? You make my days happy, this life all worth it, and  me going. I cant wait to spend time with you, even if we aren't alone. I can't wait to look into your eyes and be able to smile for the first time in long time.  Your smile brings mine to the surface. You are the hope I've needed, blossoming in my heart, never to leave me. You are all I need, all I want, all I feel. You are the way life is supposed to be for me. To feel the rush of love I feel when you look me in the eyes is indescribable. My stomach becomes a whirlwind of butterflies, begging to be free. When you touch me, even a mere brush, my skin gets goosebumps and I feel myself shudder. Everything you do to me brings happiness I often don't feel. You make me feel whole for the first time in a long time. I don't need hope, I don't need my parents, if I have you. I love the way you're gentle around me, around everyone. I love how even when you're talking to someone else my name still seems to seep into the conversation. Do you love me? I love you, can't you tell? You make me beyond happy, fill my heart with more then just hope. You are the sparkle in my eyes, the warmth in my heart, the air I breathe. Only problem is you have no idea.

Soon

Black roads and dark clouds fill the space between us. Longing for each others company and love is what fills our days now. As the rain hits the windshield it hits my heart too. The foggy windows keep me from seeing you. My heart sinks as each mile I climb creates a gap so wide between us. Your words echo in my head, your smile is etched into my mind, and your eyes are all I see when I close mine. I grip the reality of leaving you and my heart shatters. I can almost feel the blood draining from my body, and leaving me an empty lifeless shell. White line after white line counts the distance between us. What are we to now? A hundred? A thousand? A million? Hours spent alone without you, without your smile, is what kills me. "Soon." you say. When is soon though? It seems to far away to be real. By my side for an eternity is how it's supposed to go. So where are you? Back in the place I left you, with your hand empty and cold. "Soon." I repeat to myself. Soon isn't soon enough.

Finish Me

I'm breaking my own heart, and one of these days it will shatter completely. I will bleed to death from my own wounds, from stabbing myself over and over again. My heart beats for attention but I'm shut in the dark, so I stay here waiting for someone to come and save me.

You stand there watching me bleed, watching me drown in my own blood, but would you ever try to keep my heart pumping? No, you'd be the first one to finish me off. Be the first to wrap their fingers around my heart and squeeze what blood I have left out. You'd rather see me as a lifeless body than as a happy human being. You'd rather watch me cry than be the shoulder to stop the tears. You'd rather kill me than help me live. And that's exactly what you're doing.

To Hold Your Hand

Your voice, your hands, the way you smile at me, the way you're so gentle around me, its all so wonderful. The way you move, the way you act, the way you don't care what people think, its all so hypnotizing. The way you act around kids, so marvelous, so kind, so lovingly, its all so beautiful. You're beautiful, you're gorgeous really. You make me so happy, so full of life, but when you get around her I want to die. I want to rip you away from her and keep you all to myself. Wrap my arms around you, rest my head on your shoulder, just hold your hand.

Oh, your hands. They're so amazing, so strong yet gentle. I just want to hold your hand. Even if we have to be just friends, even if we can't tell anyone, even if we only do it once, I really just want to hold your hand. It doesn't have to mean anything, it doesn't have to feel special, I just really want to hold your hand. May I hold your hand? Just once. I wont ask again, I promise. I just really want to hold your hand.