Don't Leave Me Alone

I miss you. I miss being around you. I know I have to act calm, but sometimes I can't help it. You're so beautiful, so charming, so wonderful. I want to hold your hand. I want to know what it feels like to touch your skin. I want to feel your grip on me, and feel you protect me. I want to look down and see your fingers intertwined with mine. I want to be able to touch your face, and maybe even kiss you. I want to run my hands through your hair and mess it up. I want to bring out that dazzling smile of yours and feel myself smile back. I want to feel your stronge arms around me when we hug. I wrote you, will you, won't you, please write me back. I can't take the space between us any more. I made the first move, now it's your turn. Please, don't leave me alone.

Only If For A Night

Should I be worried about you? Should I worry about how it feels when you're around? I get feeling of complete horror mixed with butterflies when I'm with you. I can't eat, I can barely sleep, and I can't breath when you stand next to me. When we walk side by side and your hand dangles begging to be taken, I have to restrain myself. The way you move, your gentle graceful hands, your smile, all of it kills me inside when you direct it towards me. You're so wonderful, so breathtaking, so perfect, so way beyond my reach.

Some Day, Some One, Some Where

Some day I will have my own life. Some day I will live on my own or with my husband. Some day I will have my own appartment, where when I wake up I can make myself a fabulous breakfast, or coffee, or whatever I want. Some day I will find someone that loves me, for who I am, and what I need. He will be all that I need, and I will be all that he needs. Maybe we'll have children, maybe not. I just know in my heart that when I do find the right guy, I will never let him go, because I could never live with all the pain and guilt. I guess that's why I really don't want a relationship any more, because I'm afraid of hurting whoever I begin to love. I don't want to go through that whole, "get together and never talk" thing, and I don't want one of those "yeah we're together, but we never see each other or spend any time together" relationship either. I want some one that will stand by my side instead of the crowd. Some one that will hold my hand when I am scared, sad, or just want to feel his touch. Some one that is funny, but serious when needed. Some one old fashion, but is not afraid to be a little modern. Maybe I do need some one else to live, or maybe I don't. Maybe, some day, I'll have some one, some where, too give my love.

January 23, 2012

With her elbows on her lap and her head in her hands, she sits in the metal chair holding back the tears begging to be released. She finds no comfort from the pats on her back and shoulders. What she is searching for down deep is him; his eyes, his smile, his arms. She raises her head and searches for him in his usual standing spot, while wiping away the tear that broke free. "He's not in his usual spot, so he must be helping her." she thinks. When suddenly he appears, their eyes meet, and she finds the strength to stand again. She walks quickly,but surely, into his open arms, not caring about the many eyes following her. She buries her head in his neck, and feels herself shuddering. "Everything's going to be okay. I will never let you go." he whispers in her ears, while strokig her hair. He takes her face in his hands, and holds it close to his own face. Their lips meet and move like one. She feels the warmth spreading through her and down her spine, blossoming in her heart. He pulls her head back gently, and brushes a piece of lost hair behind her ear. She reaches for his lips again, but he stops her. He smiles, and she places her head back on his shoulder.
Then the buzzer goes off and I'm forced back into reality.

What Do You See?

Today I used all that I had, and now I am tired. I saw you today and I felt my body shiver. My heart began to race, the blood soared threw my veins, my head pounded, my skin tightened, and my hands clenched into tight fists. You saw right through me. You saw my pain and my troubles, though you know not all the things that have brought my downfall. You saw all my pain and I saw the fear in your dark eyes. You never looked again. Are you afraid of my pain? Are you afraid of what I have done to myself? Do not fear, for there is no need. Yes, I have pain, but I am living with it. So don't fear it, because I don't.

Forever Alone

Would it be so bad to be forever alone? I don't think so. Sure you may not have that special person to come home to, but you won't have as much pain. You would never run the risk of hurting the one you love, and never run the risk of being unhappy. The nights may be lonely, but maybe it's for the best.
People keep asking me if I'm alright when I see them together, but the truth is I've never been better. I don't worry about impressing him, and what he thinks. Now I can be how Im supposed to be, and its wonderful. It's really never been better, although some days get very lonely. You can't choose what stays and what fades though.
When they ask me who I like I just smile, because they think that I have to have some one in my life to make me happy. Truth is I don't though. It's not a bad thing if you do need some one, but I don't. I think that's what keeps me happy too. They all look at me like I'm crazy, or that I'm holding back a forbidden love, but I'm not. I just haven't found any one worth risking everything for. If I find some one I will, of course, risk everything for them, but until them I'll always be forever alone.